The room was overly warm, and smelled a little bit like cigarette smoke. A lovely new friend stood behind me, gently massaging my shoulders. Another new friend stood in front of me, his (rather impressive) cock in front of my face, begging for me to take it in my mouth.

And me?

I was on my knees, straddling a vibrating, rotating toy called a motor bunny, my panties pulled to the side, an orgasm juuuuuust out of reach. Bruce revved up the speed, and the voices gently encouraging me on faded into the background. I closed my eyes, letting myself sink into sensation, and. just. let. go.

Afterwards, Bruce helped me to stand, my legs shaking. Everyone looked at me, worried about how I would react, but you know what, Internet? I was just fine. More than fine. Because, for once, I wasn’t in my head. I was living in the moment, letting the night take me where it would.

That’s exactly the attitude I had at the start of this journey, but somewhere along the way, everything changed. I started wondering what people thought of me, how they were judging me, if I was too old, too fat, too much. I was holding back, trying to keep a vestige of control, no matter what was going on.

I didn’t even realize that’s what I was doing until Bruce confronted me. I won’t bore you with the details of that conversation—or with the soul searching I had to do afterward. Suffice it to say, I decided I was done with that. I don’t like that woman. I don’t want to be her. She’s not nearly as much fun.

Back to the weekend. We were at a hotel takeover and I had spent almost no time worrying about the details. I let Bruce do it for me. I even let him pick my outfits (which is a thing he very much loves to do). My only task was to decorate the door, and I did.

Other than that, all I had to do was show up and feel. On the dance floor, I gave myself over to the music, making out with a guy Bruce had kinda sorta picked out for me, and giggling as I watched another woman (the lovely new friend above) suck his cock.

During the room crawl, we ran into friends we hadn’t seen since the previous event, and I greeted the male half with a kiss, surprising us both, I think.

In the playroom, I let myself be loud. Let myself touch and be touched. Let myself enjoy the sounds, the sights, the sensations. I let myself just… be.

This probably sounds terribly selfish. And maybe it was. But for a woman who spends her whole life taking care of others and putting everyone else first? It was cathartic.

Bruce has another post in the works. One with more details and all that good stuff. But I wanted to get on here first. To explain my absence and proclaim, out loud, that I’m back. And I’m ready for more.

Here’s to a summer full of adventures.