Welcome back! It’s the morning of day two at Desire Pearl. We woke up on our own terms, which is something that rarely happens at home since we’re usually jolted awake by either a cat landing on our heads or a dog smacking us with a paw, demanding breakfast. But here? Here we were greeted by sunshine, ocean breezes, and the sounds of tropical birds. A much better wake-up call.

The bed was ridiculously comfortable, and the pillows struck that elusive balance of not too soft, not too firm, just right. I am not sure if the beds were really that comfortable or if it was because we were just so exhausted.  We rolled out of bed just to sit outside on the balcony chairs to clear away the last cobwebs of sleep.

Our room was on the third floor, in the unit that was at the far edge of the property, giving us a fantastic ocean view, complete with the pier. Just to the right, we could see the quiet side of the pool. Down on the beach, the staff was already hard at work, replacing sand that had washed away from the hurricane and raking up the never-ending supply of sargassum seaweed. Honestly, I don’t think I saw a single moment when someone wasn’t out there dealing with that stuff from sunup to sundown.

After enjoying our balcony for a bit, we heard the siren call of coffee and breakfast. We showered, (news flash, we now have OMG HOT water. Seriously it’s crazy hot, so be careful) and packed up a small day bag with the essentials such as sunscreen, Kindle, sunglasses, waterproof vibe, and whatever else seemed necessary, you know the real essentials. We then changed into our smaller-than-normal “special” trip swimsuits and headed out. Before we left, we wrote a note for our room concierge asking for more bottled water and canned sodas and to please remove the beer, since neither of us are beer drinkers. To get their attention, we left the note next to a larger-than-normal tip.

Breakfast & Pool Prep

Our route to breakfast took us along the pool deck, where the always-friendly pool concierge greeted us warmly. I had read so many conflicting pieces of advice about reserving loungechairs, I just decided to just ask for two loungers and an umbrella, and within seconds, he secured our poolside home for the remainder of our stay and I tipped him $20. Efficiency at its finest. Now breakfast.

At Aphrodite, we checked in with the hostess and were seated quickly, despite it being peak breakfast time. The restaurant was mostly filled with couples, though a few tables seated small groups of four to six. Some guests looked fresh and energized, others appeared to have just come from a workout, and a few were definitely struggling after a bit too much fun the night before.

Like the day before, our waitress immediately asked how we liked our coffee and brought out a full pot. After our first cup of coffee, we were now ready to hit the buffet. It had everything: a made-to-order egg station, fresh fruit, breakfast meats, pancakes, French toast, bagels, and steel-cut oatmeal. There was also a wide selection of yogurts with toppings and an assortment of Mexican breakfast options, including frijoles refritos, which I love. Pretty much everything we could want.

I’m on vacation, so I went big, ordering a veggie omelet from the egg station and grabbing a small bowl of oatmeal and beans while I waited. Btw I did have two separate bowls for the oatmeal and beans. I’m not that odd. Elise went straight for the fresh fruit, also pairing it with an omelet. After a solid meal, we left a small tip and we headed back to the pool.

Poolside Shenanigans & Regrettable Pizza Choices

By now, the pool deck was filling up with guests in various stages of undress. Walking back to our loungers, we were greeted by several people, all friendly and eager to introduce themselves. Seriously, everyone here was so social. We slathered ourselves up with sunscreen and impatiently waited for it to dry before hopping into the pool, which, thankfully, was the perfect temperature.

At this point, it was about maybe 11 a.m., which meant it was time for our first drink of the day. We grabbed our insulated 20 oz mugs and shuffled through the water over to the swim-up bar. While this was technically the “party pool,” it was pretty chill, likely because it was a Tuesday and the occupancy was still not at 100%. Each day we were here, the energy gradually ramped up.

I’m usually naturally social, so I made it my mission to introduce myself and Elise to as many people as possible. Before long, we’d met nearly everyone in the pool, including a few couples from our pre-trip Telegram group chat. One of these couples, Steve and Fran, instantly became our trip BFFs. They were Pearl veterans and just all-around great people. I just hope we didn’t monopolize their time, block them from any real sexy activities or give them the wrong flags.  

I even briefly reconnected with a few of the ladies I had met the day before—the ones who had fled to the hot tub the moment we got into the pool. They felt bad for leaving so abruptly, and I was rewarded with a hug from one of them (who, at the time, was just “the woman who hugged me” but would later become known as Mrs. Neon) as a lighthearted way to show there were no hard feelings. It was a very good hug. 

Lunch quickly crept up on us, so I grabbed some poolside pizza for myself and some freshly grilled chicken that was also right by the pool. Elise’s chicken was pretty good, but I regretted my decision to order the Mediterranean pizza. I don’t remember exactly what was wrong with it, just that it wasn’t good. Thankfully, I washed it down with a better drink when we were back in the pool.

At some point, groupthink took over, and without speaking a word, everyone simultaneously decided it was time to migrate to the hot tub. Damn hurricane. Wait, what? That doesn’t even make sense here in this context. 

Hot Tub Vibes & New (Possibly Drunk) Friends

Unlike the previous day, the hot tub was packed, but thanks to just the right amount of alcohol consumption, we were in great spirits. (And by “just the right amount,” I mean we were pacing ourselves with plenty of water in between.) Drinking at an all-inclusive resort is a, (cliche) marathon and not a sprint and I don’t want to crash early. 

There, I met a tall, attractive woman and Elise met her equally nice husband. They were probably a few years younger or just around our age. She was very flirty and possibly into me, but it quickly became apparent that she’d had two too many drinks. Not wasted, just… extra fun. Turns out, we had lived minutes away from each other during our time in Cincinnati, so we instantly had a connection.

Time flew by, and before we knew it, it was 6 p.m. Elise had promised to check in with our daughter daily, so she started heading out. At Pearl, you can’t be in the hot tub without your partner, which meant I had to leave too—but not before ordering a drink to go.

Back in our room, Elise checked in with our daughter, who was thankfully having a great time at her dance program. Meanwhile, I found myself staring longingly at the empty quiet-side pool. Then it hit me—I could go for a solo swim! Because, of course, that’s always the best idea after spending the day pleasantly buzzed. Where was my swim buddy? Maybe I would find one. 

Without a second thought, I took off like a toddler who just realized their legs could take them places, racing down to the pool and hopping in the calm clear water. Alone. Blissful.

I’m pretty sure at least a few people on their balconies got a good laugh watching me jump in, only to end up drifting around like a lost, pasty white submarine with its periscope barely peeking out above water.

A Naked First

Up until now, I hadn’t even mentioned feeling awkward about being surrounded by half-naked (or fully naked) strangers, because, honestly? I wasn’t. People are people. Different shapes, sizes, colors. And for one of the rare times in my life, I actually felt like I totally fit in. People were talking to me, even with my suit still on.
Sure, the vibe was sexy, but at this point in the day, a lot of the conversations were about kids, family, catching up with friends, basically, a wholesome mix of PG-13 small talk. Everyone was on a level playing field. Well… almost everyone.

There were, of course, a few guys casually strolling around with what can only be described as rolling pins swaying in the breeze. I won’t lie, my eyes widened. My confidence took a minor hit after looking down and then hearing George Contanza screaming in my head, “I was in the POOL!!!” My ancestry may or may not have been questioned. I suddenly felt the overwhelming urge to walk over to Elise, hug her tight, and thank her for never judging me and whispering, sorry.

And then, something clicked.

I took off my swimsuit and set it on the pool’s edge.
Was it the alcohol? You betcha. But it still just felt liberating. Elise showed up at the pool’s edge, noticed I was now naked, snorted her lil laugh, and simply told me it was time to get ready for dinner. I shrugged, grabbed my swimsuit, and dripped-dried my way back to our room. No towel, no shame.

Dinner, 50 Shades & Late-Night Hot Tub Adventures

Elise stunned in a white-to-pink iridescent mini dress, while I rocked my best button-down, linen pants, and brown Sperrys. Classic. Dinner was at Suki, the resort’s Asian restaurant. While the food was decent, the portion sizes were laughably small. (Pro tip: Order lots of appetizers and sides.) The service also felt a little off, so we skipped dessert and went back to our room to prep for theme night—50 Shades of Desire, their take on a BDSM theme.

Elise’s outfit? A shiny black PVC mini-dress with fishnet thigh highs featuring a snake detail. Smoking hot. I went for a super tight zip-up black PVC naughty “dress shirt” paired with black-and-red PVC shorts featuring a very suggestive zipper placement. I also had a collar on, but I was almost punished by a new friend because of the fact that I didn’t have a leash. Wonder what would have happened if I did have a leash. Next time.  

One minor disappointment of the night was the lack of guests who fully embraced the theme night attire. Sure, there were plenty who went all out, but Elise and I were definitely among the sexier, more daringly dressed, at least I thought so. Meanwhile, quite a few of the older guys stuck to standard, everyday outfits, so bland I wouldn’t even wear them to the office. I blame the hurricane. Damn you hurricane!!! Shakes fist in the air, angrily. 

But let’s take a moment to appreciate those who did dress up. They looked absolutely amazing and fuckin sexy as hell, honestly. We didn’t win the suprise outfit contest, but I heard whispers that we may have been in the running. The person who did win absolutely deserved to win all the prizes, which was a certificate for a free return trip. Damn you hurricane. Seriously. FUCK YOU hurricane. We could have won a free vacation. Ahem. I’m better now.

In the lobby, there was a St. Andrew’s cross and a spanking bench set up for guests to enjoy. I seriously considered volunteering for a spanking, but the little voices in my head held me back. Instead, I settled for watching others get paddled. Let’s be honest, that was its own kind of fun.

In the lobby, a St. Andrew’s cross and a spanking bench were set up for guests to enjoy. I seriously considered volunteering for a spanking, but the little voices in my head held me back. Instead, I opted to watch others get paddled—let’s be honest, that was its own kind of fun.

The lobby bar was the go-to spot for pre-show drinks and mingling, where guests, freshly cleaned up from a day in the sun and pool, gathered to flirt and socialize. The espresso martini quickly emerged as the drink of choice—for obvious reasons. Let’s be real, most of us in the 40–60 age range aren’t exactly built for late-night partying without a little caffeine boost.

After a few drinks, we made our way to the disco, where we caught an incredible professional dance show. When the floor opened up, Elise and I jumped in, dancing like no one was watching… which, to be fair, they weren’t, since the place cleared out almost instantly. (I blame my lack of rhythm.) From there, we made our way back to the hot tub, tucked our theme night outfits into a cubby, and rejoined Steve and Fran.

Mini-Beer Shots & Public Performances

At the hot tub, Steve introduced us to the Mini-Beer Shot—a delicious mix of Licor 43, a spiced vanilla liqueur, and cream. Served in a tiny beer mug shot glass, the cream floats perfectly on top, making it look like a miniature beer. It became our go-to shot for the rest of the trip and one we now keep stocked at home.

As we chatted, we started noticing heads turning toward the beds surrounding the giant tub. A couple had taken center stage, well center bed, putting on a show without calling attention to themselves, well… you know what I mean.. At first, I was completely oblivious, happily continuing my conversation, until someone subtly pointed it out. Ok then. It was undeniably hot, but after a few glances, everyone kinda shrugged and went right back to their conversation like it was just another Tuesday night. OMG, am I jaded already?? 

Everyone remarked on how unusually tame the vibe was. I guess normally, the hot tub was full of X-rated mayhem, but tonight, it was surprisingly relaxed, almost… wholesome? For us, though, this was still pretty damn thrilling. I mean, sure, there were couples riding each other, bodies moving in the dim glow of the pool lights, but it was more of a slow burn than an all out spectacle. It was pretty dark plus there were plenty of shadows that provided just enough cover for a little anonymity, adding to the seductive energy of the night. And let’s be honest again, this definitely beat chauffeuring duty back home.

As the crowd thinned to just Steve, Fran, a few lingering couples, and us, Elise and I took it as our cue to slip away for one final private round of fun in our room.

A final, vivid memory of the night? Strolling back to our building completely naked, welll me anyways, passing by other equally bare and carefree guests, all of us just laughing and soaking in the sheer ridiculous, exhilarating freedom of it all. Glad we ordered those extra bottles of water. 

End of Day Two.