Participating in the “lifestyle” can feel pretty weird, especially when you’re brand new and can see both sides of the experience. Traditionally, we’re taught that any relationship, sexual or not, outside of marriage is taboo. Usually, that’s because one partner is secretly seeking something on the side. But what happens when these experiences are mutual and agreed upon by both husband and wife? That’s the new territory we’re navigating.

The night began like any typical evening out between two couples who are friends. We meet up with Mr. And Mrs. Neon at a restaurant—a casual place, though nearly two hours away for both parties. Visit Elise’s side of the night to learn about why he’s Mr. Neon. Conversations flowed about what each of us had been up to. If anyone had been eavesdropping, they wouldn’t have picked up on the additional plans we had for later. Dinner was, by all appearances, just dinner between four friends.

The bar and grill was nearly empty, so our food was served, possibly too fast since I knew what the itinerary was. After we finished eating, we agreed to head back to the other couple’s hotel room for a little “private talk.”

We drove to an older, desperately outdated hotel that the other couple had booked. I grabbed our cooler bag filled with Elise’s favorite alcoholic drinks and some non-alcoholic ones for myself, since I’d be driving. I don’t usually drink when I’m out. As we walked through the hotel together, I felt a cool breeze as I stepped over the threshold of the room—a blast of air conditioning or maybe my soul leaving my body.

Inside, there was the standard hotel room setup; a single bed, an older loveseat, a desk, and one chair. I found myself staring at the bed, thinking, So, that’s where it’s all going to happen. I always imagined my first time in a place like this would be somewhere a bit fancier, not an ‘80s hotel straight out of a bad movie scene. Were there junkies OD’ing in the room next door?  Was there a murder suspect hiding out in the floor above, while the SWAT team were moments away from crashing through the already dented metal door? The decor was brown—not a warm, rich brown of hardwood, but the dull color of faded faux wood and a bit of despair.

Elise must have been on the same wavelength, as she commented on how they must not have checked the reviews. I joked, saying, “Hey, that’s not the way to thank our hosts, (for booking a room just to get us naked).”

Shoes came off, and I heard the Flight of the Conchords’ song Business Time playing in my head. Mr. and Mrs. Neon grabbed a drink from their mini-fridge and sat on the edge of the bed. Elise unzipped our cooler bag, pulled out a drink for herself and one for me, and we settled onto the loveseat—my “home base” for the evening.

We chatted about random topics, nothing serious, until Mr. Neon pulled out an adult couples’ game. The Neons left the bed and knelt down by the coffee table in front of us. Over the next hour, we played, laughed, and gradually lost most of our clothes. At some point during the game Elise and Mrs. Neon swapped places, and I found myself with my arm around another woman who was also nearly naked. Everyone kept their underwear on, which actually struck me as kind of amusing. Isn’t this a swinging meetup? I thought. Yes, but at the same time no. This was more like, entry level sexy friendship.

Elise and I had been to Desire Pearl, where we’d been completely naked around other people, but this was more intimate, more real. It was our first time in a setting like this, and the Neons were incredibly respectful of our comfort level, ensuring we would want a next time. Better to leave wanting more than not, right? I wonder how difficult it was for them considering they have been in the, ahem, LS for years now. What kind of conversations did they have beforehand? Did they talk about us like the newbs we are? Did they mutually agree to ask me if I was comfortable with the situation multiple times during the night? Either way, I appreciated that immensely.

So back in the sketchy hotel room, conversations and drinks flowed at a steady pace. Mrs. Neon and I chatted on the couch, while Elise was wrapped in Mr. Neon’s arms, his hands tracing patterns across her pale skin, untouched by the sun for a few months.

That’s when the texts from our kid started coming in. When are you coming home? Hello???  Are you ok and how are things going? Are you currently tied  up and they are stealing all your clothes and wallet? The last two texts were from our mutual platonic LS friends. We keep each other informed of trips like this, in case either one of us goes missing. I ignore our kid and text back our friends, things are going great and we are safe. Text you later when are leaving.

Inside, some of my thoughts were spinning and having a fit. Why are you so damn calm? Isn’t this fucking weird? Look over there, you clueless bastard. I turned my head and saw his hands on my wife’s breasts, his fingers circling her nipples. Wait, wait a fucking second. She flashed that smile. That’s her entranced smile—the one she has when something shiny and new has caught her eye. You haven’t seen that look in a while. Are you really okay with this?

Do something, you moron. You’re picking up almost every detail in the room including that Mr. Neon is having another couple of shots—probably to calm his nerves or, more likely, to give himself the courage to try something… more with your wife. And you’re the only one in this room that is sober and you are acting like the calmest bump on a log? But then, why are you smiling, you fool? And I realized, I’m enjoying this. I’m actually enjoying watching this.

It wasn’t some impersonal scene on Pornhub or more accurately, Cinemax; this was Elise laying in the arms of another man that we trust. And it wasn’t that big of a surprise. I’d pretty much seen this coming from the moment we’d met Mr. Neon in Mexico and learned they lived in the next major city. When he reached out to us after I intentionally befriended a mutual acquaintance on Facebook, I knew our profile would appear in their Friend Suggestion list and where it could lead. My predictions don’t usually play out this well or scripted.

Why wasn’t I panicking now that it was happening like a few feet away in real life? Maybe it was because Elise and I had some serious conversations beforehand and we kept checking in with each other. I could read her face; she was comfortable, and she was having fun. And because she was having fun, so was I and Mr. Neon didn’t make any uncomfortable moves. If I’d sensed anything was off or just not right, I’d have stopped things immediately. I’ve always had her back. I have gotten us out of stranger situations than this. Not many, maybe none that involved so little clothes, but there has been times where we made quick exits.

I’m usually the calm one in unexpected situations, but not to this degree and no hesitations or doubt. But here, I was sober and surprisingly steady. Elise and I have been nearly exclusive since high school, and this was something entirely new for us—fun, light, intimate without crossing boundaries.

Nothing went beyond our comfort levels, which are admittedly pretty low-key. I am not sure this would even have its own category on any of the swinger apps. This night was more about laughter, curiosity, and friendship than anything else.

After noticing the time—late—and seeing that our daughter had been blowing up our phones out of genuine concern, Elise and I quickly got dressed, said our goodbyes, and left. As we headed back to the car, I sent a text to our friends to let them know we were safe, on our way home, and that we’d had a wonderful time.

I started the car, turned on the defroster and loaded up Google maps for the directions back home. Elise settled in the passenger seat, trying to snuggle as close to me as she could.  She asked me, probably rhetorically, this is still fucking weird, right? 
I responded by reaching over and scratching her head, which usually settles the butterflies that were fluttering around her mind. It must have done the trick since it was only moments before she drifted off asleep. I smiled to myself and thought, Yes, yes it really is.

We may not have checked off any wild boxes, but we’d shared a new experience in a way that felt right for us, a balance between excitement and comfort that I wouldn’t trade for anything.