“So what made you change your mind?” Bruce blurted on a recent evening walk.

“Change my mind about what?” I was clueless. Thirty seconds ago we’d been talking about the grocery order.

“You know. Desire. The lifestyle. All of it.”

“My dad dying. The awful way he died, Which, you know. Could be me someday. I don’t want to look back and regret all the things I could’ve had fun doing but didn’t because of stupid societal expectations.”

I grabbed his hand and squeezed. “And if you’re stuck watching me die that way, I want you to have allllllll the good memories.”

He nodded, still looking pensive. “So, you’re not looking for anything else? Anyone else?”

I stopped dead in my tracks, shocked. “What? NO. I wouldn’t even be willing to consider any of this if I wasn’t a million percent certain that we are rock solid. I don’t want anyone else. Ever. Where’s this coming from?”

He shrugged. “I dunno. I guess I just wasn’t prepared for reality.”

Reality being that post I wrote a couple weeks ago. And some conversations we’ve had with some other folks. And the fact that I’m pointing out men I think are sexy (not normal behavior for me). Women I think he’d find sexy. And just generally being way more open than is typical.

But that’s the way I am. When I decide to do something, I jump in with both feet. He’s a little more cautious.

Say we’re at an ocean beach. And not one where you can see all the way to the bottom. It’s wavy, murky, and a little cold. I’m the one who goes charging into the water and dives under a wave (it’s always warmer after you dunk yourself). He sidles in, inch by inch, letting his body acclimate to the temperature.

I respect his approach to the world. And he respects mine. Although there is often eye rolling by both parties.

So back to the conversation at hand. I look at him. “You know we can shut this all down, right? Like, right now. I don’t need anyone but you. Period.”

He shakes his head. “No, I don’t want to do that. I just don’t want to lose you.”

I lean into him and kiss him fiercely. “You could never. Are you going to run off with some chick with a better rack or a bigger wallet?”

“Of course not.”

“Same. I mean, I’m the one who should be worried. You’ve already gotten fake married at a pool party while I was snoozing in our room. And took advantage of your shotgun wedding to suck a shot out of her boobs.”

His eyes widen. “That wasn’t, I mean…”

I cackle. “I’m kidding, dork face. Besides, I think I may have kissed her husband later.”

His smile is back. “You were being a little slut, weren’t you?”

“Sure was.”

“Turned you on, didn’t it?”

“Well, duh. Turned you on, too.”

His eyes turn that darker shade of blue that only means one thing. “You’re damn right. Want me to show you how much?”

“Yes, please. But let’s finish walking the dog first.”

And so we move forward. A little more cautiously, perhaps. But forward, nonetheless. I just have to make sure he’s following me when I’m running full tilt ahead. And allow him to pull me back when I’m about to jump off a cliff.