I am raising a teenage girl. A damn cute one. One who is starting to venture out into the world without me. So, of course, we have to have lots of difficult conversations. About men, and dating, and how damn scary the world can be when you’re a cute young girl.

Don’t venture out after dark by yourself, I tell her. At parties, never, ever leave your drink unattended. Always make sure a friend knows where you are, who you’re with, and when you plan to be home.

And remember, I tell her, you are in control of your body. You don’t have to explain why or apologize if you’re not into something. You can just say no and walk away.

I tell her these things over and over again. Because I know firsthand how easy it is to forget. How fast things can go from fun to really fucking awful. And how bad a lot of people are at getting and respecting consent.

In fact, I thought it was a pretty universal problem until I started getting to know some folks in the lifestyle. Every single person I’ve talked to has hammered home how crucial unequivocal consent is.

So riddle me this, internet. If a man (or woman, let’s not be sexist) can sit in a hot tub surrounded by naked, tipsy, people and never make a single inappropriate move, dance with people being intentionally provocative without taking advantage, and remember to ask, “is this okay” even when things are getting hot and heavy, why do we have people like Sean Combs in this world?

Why does society insist men “just can’t help themselves”?

Why do we accept that it’s okay for half the population to feel like prey?

We shouldn’t.

There’s a whole bunch of people who have already proven it doesn’t have to be this way. That women can, in fact, wear whatever the hell they want, dance however they want, and even be actively “asking for it” without worrying about their safety.

It’s amazingly freeing and unbelievably sexy.

So here’s what I need from all of you. Find a high school. Volunteer to teach a health class. Make their eyes pop with sexy stories. And somehow make sure every teenager in America knows none of it can happen without first hearing the oh so lovely sound of consent.

Easy peasy, right?

If only it was.