Dating apps have always been a completely foreign concept to me. I mean, yeah, sure, I’ve always known what they are and how they work, but we got married before the turn of the century (dear god, that makes us sound old).

Dating apps weren’t a thing. Apps weren’t a thing. Hell, the internet was barely a thing.

But here we are, diving into the online dating world in 2024. As a couple, no less. And you guys? It’s weird.

Lifestyle apps aren’t nearly as sophisticated as say, Tinder, or Bumble, or whatever the hell the cool kids are using these days. But they operate on the same principle. You scroll endlessly through a stream of profile pics. If you find the couple attractive, you click through, give ’em a like, and hope you get a like back. Then maybe you friend them. Or start a conversation. Or see if they want to skip the foreplay and get down to screwing.

But it all starts with the profile pic.

You’re forced to evaluate people based solely on their physical appearance. In fact, you usually can’t even see if they have a good smile or pretty eyes because their faces are covered (mine included).

Here’s me scrolling on a dating app:

“Too skinny. Too hairy. Too big. Too small. Holy shit, they’re built. There’s no way they’d like us. OMG, enough with the crotch shots. What are they, twelve? Eww. Nope. Nope. Maybe? Oh wait, they’re like 400 miles away. Ohhh, but look at these guys. They’re cute…”

That’s not the way I usually operate. I’m a Word Girl.

Can you string a sentence together? We’re off to a good start. Do we have things to talk about? Even better. Can you make me laugh? Mmm, come a little closer, babe.

Do I turn up my nose at a gorgeous human? Of course not. But, in my experience, people become better looking the more you get to know them.

So when the hub asks me, “hey, what do you think of these guys?” and my first reaction is, “ummm, no,” I instantly feel bad. They could be lovely people who take shitty pictures. Or, you know, not what I would call my type, whatever the hell that is, but be the perfect match in person.

I guess figuring all this out is just part of the process. And it is fascinating. It’s just weird. But I think I’ll plan us another vacation. That seems like a good plan.