Over the four days we were at Desire, I had the following conversation about a hundred times.

“So are you in the lifestyle?”

“Not yet. Just dipping our toes in. We’ve talked about it for a long time, but never had the opportunity to explore.”

Have you ever been to a club or a party or….”

“Nope. Nothing.”

“And you just decided to come to Desire.” This was generally said with a raised eyebrow and a tone of disbelief.

“Sure did.”

“Why?”

Depending on who I was talking to and how many drinks I’d had, I’d answer that several different ways. Sometimes I told them it was on Bruce’s bucket list and I promised him a big trip for his birthday. Or that our daughter was away for a prolonged period of time, so we finally had the opportunity. Or because now that she’s growing up, we are back to exploring who we are as a couple, not just parents.

And those things are all true.

But the real reason has its roots in a much sadder story.

A couple of years ago, we were at my parents’ house, chatting about whatever vacation I was planning at the time. My mom was giving me a hard time about it (justifiably so, I spend a lot of cash on vacations), when my dad sighed loudly.

“Just go,” he said. “Go to all the places you’re dreaming about. Do everything you want to. Life isn’t as long as you think it is.”

We didn’t know it then, but he was already falling prey to dementia. It hit hard and progressed heartbreakingly fast. Before he died, he lost his ability to speak his mind, move of his own volition, or even feed himself.

But he still had his memories. He spent his last weeks living in the past, dreaming of all the wonderful places he’d been and amazing things he’d done.

After he passed, I made myself a promise. A promise to stop saying no to things just because I think I’m supposed to. And to say yes to new experiences whenever possible, even if they take me a gazillion miles out of my comfort zone.

Life is really fucking short. And if I find myself in my dad’s shoes? I want to have a million memories of a life well lived and absolutely zero regrets.

So we went to Desire. And we signed up for a couple’s dating site. And we’re trying to plan another weekend away.

We have no idea what the hell we’re doing, but we’re having fun (and a lot of really great sex). And that, my friends, is what it’s all about.